Surely being a good mum\nan also means teaching your children to stand on their own two feet, being in the background and helping when needed. I've got 5 grown up kids, I had them young, was a stay at home mum until the youngest were 12 then I worked part time, my mum was there is give me a break when needed and had a great bond with her grand kids. I taught my kids to be independant and that I will help where I can . The more you do for them the less they will do for themselves. You working full time and then going to your daughters and cooking and cleaning for her ,to me is not helping, she needs to do it herself, yes take the grand kids to give her a break and for you to spend time with them as their nan not their mum.