“They don’t share toilets”
Oh yes they do. I’ve visited a care home where several “inmates” (it was such a dump, I couldn’t call the poor souls living there “residents”) used the same bathroom. A hideous ancient room with a pink suite and cracks in the tiles.
In other homes the residents even have to share rooms
Those are council run homes. Not the same as private, of course, but care homes nonetheless.
“A residential home though, is their home- and in spite of others living there, they are free to come and go as they wish.”
Some homes have an ‘open door policy, and some who have folk with dementia don’t. Those without dementia are locked in the same as those with it.
These are private, so the surroundings may be better, but the rules are still the same.
As far as the OP goes, I also find the guidance unacceptable.
Some of these people haven’t seen family for ages, for goodness sake let them spend what time they have, with people they love.