Bad gift ideas please

[NoMercy]

What present can I get for someone I don't particularly like? I'm friends with her sister, who's lovely.

I don't want something that screams "I like you because you're really sweet, king and always put others before yourself!"

I want something that subtlely says, "You're an irritatng, asinine, and ghastly carbuncle on what would otherwise be a perfect family, and you dress like a chav. I wish you'd emigrate."

There is no budget.

[lucca]

Last year's diary/calendar, an out-of-date pork pie, and some cream for her crabs.