Whats the best joke that you have heard recently?

haysi06 | 21:29 Fri 22nd Feb 2008 | ChatterBank

32 Answers

The dafter the better!

"I went to visit my friend who has just had a baby today, she asked me to wind hi but I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg"

That cracks me up!

Hxx

Are yours....

hey ICE

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weeal

pmsl @ meglet

Myriad2112

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

Myriad2112

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits off."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

bigmamma

Weeal , it's the way you tell them , omg , I have just recovered enough to post . I laughed that much that it set my asthma off , what a funny thread :-D xxxxx

weeal

oops mamma, are you okay pet? lol
deep breaths

weeal

A 25-stone woman getting ready for a fancy dress party says to her hubby "Ive nothing to wear" he says "pull your p!ssflaps over your head and go as a sugar puff"

Caribeing

Jesus and Peter playing poker in Heaven peter
lost but said he would pay Jesus back,
Pavarotti died and and went to Heaven peter
met him at he the gate, He shouted to Jesus
Here's that [tenor] I owe you

figure

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.

"Don't do that, that was a honeybee," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it.

"That was a butterfly," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter.

Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it.

The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"

haysi06

Question Author

You need to read some of this with a chinese accent -

"After no dates or sex for 5 yrs a woman goes to see a Chinese expert sex therapist Dr Chang. He says to the woman "take of all your croase, get down on all fours and craw reery reery fas to the other side of the room" the woman does and then he says" now craw reery reery fas back" as she did Dr Chang shook his head and said "your problem vewy vewy bad, worse case Ed Zachary disease I ever sor, dat why u get no man!" She says "ohmygod what is Ed Zachary disease?", Dr says "Its when your face looks Ed Zachary like your ar$e!"

weeal

lol @ haysi

haysi06

Question Author

A man walks into a pub and asks the barman for a pint of anything except for Stella. "Whats wrong with Stella?" asks the barman, "Well last night I bought 12 pints of Stella and when I got home I was f*cking skint!" says the man, "Well" says the barman, "If you bought 12 pints of Stella you would spend a lot", "No" says the man "Skints my dog!"