Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking. Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him... ...
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,... ...
Just bought a humpty dumpty toy from Aldi. It's brilliant, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men. ___ Managed to get hold of a box of counterfeit Mr Kipling Apple tarts. They're... ...
When I was younger, I said to my dad: "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?" "Sure son, you go ahead". So I sold it! ___ A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both... ...
I went into a caravan showroom the other day and said to the salesman: "I'd like to buy a motorhome." He said "Camper?" I said "Oooo, get you, I'd like to buy a motorhome, sweety." ___ "What am I going... ...
A lady of the night was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked. "Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest... ...
I got my face slapped by the new girl at work today. I only asked If she spits or swallows. It seems like a reasonable question, being as we are both wine tasters. ___ A thief broke into my house... ...
I borrowed a blind friend of mine £20 the other day, He promised me he would pay me back the next time he saw me. Uh Oh, I should have known better. ___ My wife left me for another man. All that lies... ...
I woke up this morning to the sun coming through my bedroom window. I need to have a word with that new paper boy. ___ A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy... ...
My wife and l decided we would never go to bed annoyed at each other. We've been sitting up since Tuesday. ___ Just went into the shop and said "Can I pay by card? He said "No problem, what card do... ...
Summer school holidays were over and young Jack returned to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving. "Wait a minute," mother said. "I had Jack... ...
LET'S LAUGH AWAY OUR STRESS WITH ANTS 1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants 2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important 3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant 4. Ant that is looking... ...
Shaun and Patrick are on a cruise ship. "It's awful quiet on the deck tonight," says Shaun. Patrick says: "Maybe they're all listening to the band." "What band, there isn't one." says Shaun. Patrick... ...
A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary raises her hand first and says, "My dad's a solicitor for the government. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little... ...