Yesterday, my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?" I asked. Talking about my...
Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife: 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of...
What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked...
A drunk guy stumbles into a bar and says, „Those to my left you are all jerks. Those to my right, you are all idiots!“ A tall, muscular guy slowly stands up, puts on his cowboy hat and quietly...
A priest falls into water and soon starts to drown. But his faith in God is strong and he knows God will save him. A small boat rows to him and offers help. “No! God will help me, thank you!”...
A boy is sitting on a bus and eating one piece of chocolate after the other. A man sits down next to him and says: “Eating so much chocolate is not healthy for you boy.” The boy replies: “My...
A husband comes home early from work and catches his wife in bed with his best friend. He is upset and very angry. He goes into the cupboard and brings out a loaded shotgun. The friend says, "What are...
A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings. She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really?...
What do have if there are nuts on the wall? Walnuts........... What do you have if you have nuts on your chest? Chestnuts............. What do you have if you have nuts on your chin? ????...
Donald Trump was recently asked "Do you know the difference between Sunni and Shia?"
He replied " I don't know which is which but I know they sung I got you babe"...
I said to the missus "What would you do if I won the lottery?" She scoffed and said "I'd take the lot, and leave you." With that, I produced my ticket - "There you go. Have a nice life, and enjoy the...
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of...
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping...
The Salvation Army band was marching down the road. When they came to the 'T' junction at the bottom of the hill the band turned to the left. The man with the big drum went to other way, turning...
This morning at the Tesco check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all of her change she only had just under £10. I thought she was probably...
A zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem....
