Doctor to a woman patient: "You look absolutely exhausted, have you been taking 3 meals a day like I advised you?"
Woman replies: "Oh ***.. I thought you said 3 males a day."...
An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the...
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "Unfortunately I'm under oath otherwise I'd return the...
Little Johnny didn't go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said, "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the bull." "Oh I see," said the teacher, "but I'm sure...
A very young recruit showed such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific. The very first day he soloed and was the best flier on the base. He quickly...
Applicant interview for a job. The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put 'ASAP' down for the date you are available to start, meaning as...
A restaurant was packed with people watching a televised football match. Two diners gave the overworked waitress their order, then waited a long time without getting food. Hearing the sound of cheers...
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little...
A balding man went into a barber’s shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut. “Twenty-five pounds,” said the barber. “Twenty-five pounds, that’s crazy!” exclaimed the man. “I’ve hardly got any...
Prior to taking retirement and selling off his land, a farmer needed to get rid of all the animals he owned, so he decided to call on every house in his village. At houses where the man was the boss,...
Two goats wandered into the scrapyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over. “So, did you enjoy the...
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of spectacles that she had purchased for her husband a week before. "What seems to be the problem, madam?" "I'm returning these glasses I bought for my...
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. 'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'. So I did and I can...
It's my daughters prom night this week. I've Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver... Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing to...
With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water. After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled:...
Teacher: "When I was of your age, I learned very quickly and was not as slow as you are."
Student: "Wow, you must have had a better teacher than me then."...
Last night, as I walked home, I saw an ice cream cone, an apple pie and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought to myself, the streets are strangely desserted tonight....
