McQuillan walked into a Dublin bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the...
A frustrated father told his work colleague: "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room he has a colour TV, computer, game console, mobile...
The Scotland yard detective was questioning the bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time in a month by what appeared to be the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about...
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were...
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth." ______________ An office manager was interviewing a blonde for...
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "I think I'll call it a day."...
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright! 1st Roman Soldier: "What is the time?" 2nd Roman Soldier: "XX past VII!" Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher? He couldn't...
Two friends were playing golf and one commented he was going to Dr. Brown to get some dentures made. "I did that two years ago," his buddy said. "How do you like your new teeth? Did Dr. Brown do a...
While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. As you can see" he says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched." The doctor...
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone...
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife...
"Your husband is rather absent-minded, isn't he?" "Extremely so. Why, the other night when he got home he knew there was something he wanted to do, but he couldn't remember what it was until he had...
The bus was very crowded when the young lady got on and a gentleman attempted to rise. She pushed him back gently and he tried to rise once more. "No, no, thank you!" she murmured, pushing him back...
A young woman went to see a fortune teller who told her: "You will be broke and unhappy till you are fifty." "What happens when I'm fifty?" asked the young woman. "Nothing at all," said the fortune...
I lost the Trivia Quiz at Church last Sunday by one point. the question was: "In which area do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is Africa. I've been asked to find another...
When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text. 'I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life,' he...
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The...
