You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I...
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya' think?! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------- Cold Wave Linked to...
Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ - In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC...
Paddy and Mick are sitting in boat fishing. Paddy says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in two months." Mick says, "You'd better think it over. Women like that are hard to...
A farmer sadly lost his wife. He contacted the Yorkshire Post to arrange an obituary. The couple had been happily married for 50 years before she passed away. The farmer went to the newspaper office...
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she...
A 79-year-old man is having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while,...
A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics. He makes friends with the tribe’s chief and...
A chicken farmer went to a local bar...Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that ? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a...
1. AVOCADOS A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk....
Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates in Heaven. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and...
I bought a new Ford F 150 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck from an Arizona dealer. Go figure, it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. I returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to...
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very...
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies,...
My neighbour banged on my door and shouted, "Can I use your phone. There's been an accident along the road and a bloke is bleeding to death." I asked, "What's wrong with your own phone?" He replied,...
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things. The grandfather is...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks...
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich tourist from down south is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays $100 bill on the...
Well, one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead! Harry was...
